Misty Better Everyday

Have you ever had something you wanted to say but not sure how? I’ve thought about this blog for some time now and am actually rewriting it right now. I’m not a feminist. I have nothing against feminism. Over the past four years old fashioned has mixed with a little new fashion. A conversation with my son is what made me want to rewrite this and the fact that it did not send the message I wanted. My sweet boy referred to me as a feminist and was totally OK. I was proud that the word feminist didn’t strike a negative tone in his mind. But first we need to understand the difference and why it’s ok to have a little bit of everything in this world.

Feminism is a strong word and if simply stated is the fight for equal rights for women. So if I say I’m not a feminist does this mean I think women should get paid less for the same job a man does? Or perhaps you think I want women in the kitchen barefoot and pregnant. Truth is if we kept it simple, yes I’m a feminist but nothing is simple anymore. There are vagina marches, bra burnings and numerous other events that I would never attend.

Yes, I was raised old school and so was my husband. Men don’t swear in front of a lady, he opens her door, he is the head of the household. Now if you’ve met me, unfortunately you know I love Jesus but I cuss a little. Yes I quoted a meme and probably someone who never got credit for saying it first. But out of respect I don’t think a man should swear in front of a lady until she swears first. I laughed at that in my head and I hope you did too. If a man swears around me am I offended, no. I’m realistic. Do I appreciate the gesture if one slips out and he apologizes? YES! Ladies, it is not disrespectful if the guy opens your door! He knows that based on the fact you got dressed and walked you are able to open a silly little door. So why do women get their skirts/trousers in a bunch?

My mom raised me to be a strong, capable woman. She also taught me there are times to need your husband. Times to be delicate and soft. Being “strong” is almost expected in 2019 but being delicate can make you appear weak. Being a lady, soft and delicate does not indicate my weakness but rather my strength. I often wonder why women are so hard on each other. Is it their own insecurities that project or are we blind to the judgments we pass daily? Assuming that I’m any less a woman because I ask my husband before making plans and that fighting for your country makes you any less a lady is ignorant.

One of the best realizations I’ve had as I grow older is I am not the judge, jury or executioner. Rather a child of God who was sent here to love and hopefully make a difference in this world. I like to believe we all live our life the best we can. If we can learn the difference between disagreeing and judging perhaps there would be no need for marches or labels. This could go a lot deeper but this might be the best place to stop.

My heart flutters every time my love opens my door, switches sides so he walks by the road and always keeps himself between me and any perceived danger. It flutters even more when our son does this when we are out for our time together. Praying everyone feels cherished like I do.

I’m rewriting this because the first version upset many people so I decided to take a different approach. Prior to my last blog post I had maybe 2 reads. In all reality I did not think anyone would read but my mom. It was therapy for me to type it out not meant to hurt. If my words hurt you I apologize.

Hate is a strong word. We should not hate anyone. If we all lived a life where we choose to forgive and move on then perhaps happiness would be within reach. It’s no secret to anyone I’m not the favorite person on my husband’s side of the family. This doesn’t mean they are bad people. Perhaps they just don’t understand me and how/why I live my life the way I do.

Nineteen years of marriage has provided many opportunities to grow and nurture a relationship but there has to be action on both sides for this to happen. Hindsight always provides a clearer picture.

My husband doesn’t understand why I write these blogs but it really is a source of therapy for me and I hope that this ends up in the hands of someone that needs my words. How will I deal with those non fans? Well, I’m afraid sometimes the reality that someone just doesn’t like you has to be accepted and you have to move forward with life. I recently read a book that asked a question “What would great look like?” (No Ego).

My great would mean others would have to act and I can’t let that hold me back. MY great has to be me getting up and going to the gym tomorrow. My great will be me opening my Facebook back up and blocking out the negativity. My great will be me being better everyday so that perhaps they will see the real me and really love me.

I hope as my journey continues I will be able to update this part of my life. But, for the foreseeable future I will leave others out of the telling of my journey unless they are agreeable. But to put it out there; I forgive those who have done me wrong over the past 40 years of my life. I plan to move forward. I refuse to stand still in this life and to dwell on the past or the negativity.

To the one person that commented on my last post. Thank you for your input. You’re right it did not provide grace. I hope this helps more than hurts.

I sell Rodan and Fields and one of the first things you are told as a consultant is to share your why. That has been so very hard for me because I signed up to help my mom and get great skin in the process. I had no spectacular “why”. I love the story of the single mother who signed up with her last $400 (on her credit card) and made 6 digits in her first year. It does happen but my husband and I went through financial hardships while he was in the Army. We struggled, HARD, but on this side of the Army life has proven a little easier. We are not wealthy but of the first time in our life we are comfortable. Kelly is home 98% of the time and we have real family time. So making my fortune with a skincare company was not my priority but enjoying this phase of our life.

My mom has always said that God will not give you more than you can handle. What she never told me is that he will give you enough to put you on your knees begging for his help. Looking back things started really getting hard when I was in nursing school. Kelly got sick and was medically retired. I thought I was going to have to take care of everything. He wasn’t able to walk much less work and now everything was on me to finish nursing school. As Kelly started getting better Eryn started fighting battles that only she would be able to explain. Her struggles of being a young teenage girl started manifesting in physical symptoms. With Kelly being sick Eryn never really talked to us about her troubles at school and with her friends. She was told by a specialist that she would be blind by the time she was 21, she may MS and of course cancer was thrown in there at one point. I remember pulling into my garage one afternoon while no one was home, closed the garage, turned the car off and screamed. Not an aimless scream of pain. A very dear friend told me God is a big boy and could handle me being mad at him. I was MAD. I never lost my love for God but I was furious. Why did things have to get this hard RIGHT now! I’m almost done with nursing school and all i wanted was to make my family proud and help financially support our family. I wanted to work for our childrens future. One where they would live happily ever after and none of this was in my plan. God was screwing everything up. I just wanted normal.

Turned out Eryn was physically fine but had been the victim of severe bullying that would forever change her life. After nursing school we moved to WA and everything should have been perfect. I would get a job, hello nursing shortage, Kelly had a good job and was better, Eryn could start over with new friends and Tyler, well, my sweet Tyler was hanging on living and loving life, I hope.

I have spent my entire lifetime worrying about everyone else and how to make everyone else happy. Everything that has gone wrong I have put on my shoulders. Even the things I had no control over. Something bad would happen and I would think what did I do to bring this pain into my family. That was the most self absorbed I have ever been in my life. Sometimes crap just happens and you have to decide what you will learn from this life event. As I said before, Eryn’s struggles in middle school resulted in some serious issues that we are still dealing with as a family. Kelly still has days that I worry if he is getting sick again. Will we grow old together and do all the things we have talked about over the years? What does my future look like?

My why is ME. I want to be the best version of me not only for myself and to enjoy this beautiful life God has helped me navigate; but to be better for them. If I am better for me then I WILL be better for my family. I recently discovered my love language is words of affirmation, I have a strong personality, I am an introvert and I want to be heard. This is a very difficult combination of characteristics not only for me but my sweet husband to navigate.

Why am I a nurse? I needed to contribute financially to our family and I LOVE helping birth babies!!

Why do I work out? Because I want to run after my grand babies one day. I want to put on my clothes and feel confident. I want to feel good. AND ENDORPHINS!

Why do I sell Rodan and Fields? Because it affords me the opportunity to be a part of a team of women whom I admire. It gives me play money. It gives me amazing skin for free. It gives me room to grow.

Why did I turn off the car in the garage? I still don’t know but it crossed my mind to leave it running and test God. You heal my family or I die here and now. The pain of continuing in this life out weighed the pain of not seeing it through. I want to see where this life goes. So far I am impressed. The valleys have been lower than what many will ever know but thanks to my amazingly wonderful God the mountain peaks have been glorious.

I hate when people say “if I can do it, you can do it”. I always think, how could they possibly know what I can do and if I even want to. I LOVED working out with my dad as a teenager but somewhere along the road of wife and motherhood very quickly after, I forgot how much I LOVED exercising. Was it the time with my dad or the high from all those endorphins or both. My guess both but nevertheless I didn’t keep up that lifestyle. Now, I’m paying for it as my 40 year old body looks like an overinflated version of 25 year old me with multiple chins and saggy jowls. I saw it coming in the mirror and on the scale but being the world’s best procrastinator I figured Monday I would worry about it or on the first of the month. Maybe after Christmas, New Years resolution , ohhh Valentines Day, oops Easter. You get the point. It was never the right time FOR ME! A few months ago I prayed God would give me the motivation I needed to get healthier. I prayed as I cleaned the house and went into my bedroom to fold laundry. I sat on the bed and it collapsed right onto to floor. I imagine God laughing. Not the hysterical laughter from my family but the little chuckle of “be careful what you ask for” laughter. I looked up, nodded to him and scheduled a try it for free day at Orange Theory Fitness. After 4 months I’m still going. It wasn’t a Monday or the beginning of the month and the holiday season was fast approaching. I didn’t care. It was MY TIME. THANK YOU GOD!